My Boyfriend Reviews Fragrances (Part I)

There’s a lot of things I don’t like, but high up on my list are fragrance samples. I don’t really have a sensitive nose or anything, they just annoy me. I don’t want to get bombarded by a million overbearing scents as I’m paging through a magazine, and I don’t want a fragrance sample I could get for free included in one of my monthly beauty boxes. I just. Don’t. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work the way we’d like it to, and fragrance samples just keep knocking at my door.

However.

I recently found a use for these mostly obnoxious scents, if only for entertainment purposes. I now present to you a new, hopefully semi-regular feature on Glamburger: My Boyfriend Reviews Fragrances.

For this edition, I pretty much just scraped together all the fragrance samples I could find around my apartment. Thank you Birchbox, Ulta and Cosmopolitan. Really.

Salvatore Ferragamo Incanto Charms: This reminds me of a pepperoni pizza.

Prada Candy: This smells like the outdoor area right outside of a nightclub.

Calvin Klein Euphoria: This is like a building out in a forest where at least half of it’s made of logs.

Jimmy Choo: This one smells like a hotel bathroom.

Coach Poppy: Bed Bath & Beyond.

Coach Poppy Flower: The soap aisle of Bed Bath & Beyond.

Estée Lauder Pleasures: Hand soap.

J’adore Dior: This smells like the kitchen area of a McMansion.

Givenchy Very Irrésistible: This smells like a secretary, BUT. It’s a secretary in one of those trailerhouses that’s been converted into a temporary office.

Taylor Swift Wonderstruck Enchanted: Ugh, Taylor Swift. *inhales* … What the fuck. This smells like a eight-year-old girl’s room. I see Dora the Explorer and shit.

Taylor Swift Wonderstruck: … Oh, my God. What even is this? Did they try to make this grape-flavored or something? No, no wait. I don’t even know what that is.

Paco Rabanne Lady Million (For Women): Oh my f–ohhh. Oh ngghhh. What is that supposed to smell like? *coughing spell ensues* That smells like dish soap. That literally smells like dish soap. That one’s awful.

Paco Rabanne 1 Million (For Men): Oh, that’s … pleasant. This smells like how those old cereal bars used to taste.

Vince Camuto (For Women): This smells like my grandma’s house.

Vince Camuto (For Men): This smells like a cologne I would have worn as a teenage boy.

Jessica Simpson Vintage Bloom: That’s kind of weird, it does smell like a flower. It smells like a florist shop.

Nude by Rihanna: Sour straws.

Ralph Lauren Romance: Oh my God. Ugghh. That is old lady fragrance. Oh my God. Get that away from me. That is horrible.

Bleu de Chanel (For Men): Oh my God. Wait. Wait, wait wait. What does that smell like? It smells like a hotel pool. Wait, wait. Like a sauna.

Lady Gaga Fame: Hard candy.

Chanel Chance eau Tendre: This smells like a tea party.

Narciso Rodriguez (For Her): This smells like a water park. (He earlier stated it smelled like an older secretarial/front desk perfume. Way to be consistent, babe.)

Victoria’s Secret Garden Love Spell: This smells fruity as shit. This just smells like a shit ton of citrus, basically.

Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb: This one’s another soap-smelling one.

Nicole by Nicole Richie: This smells like that candle place.

Juicy Couture Couture La La: Jesus Christ, who would wear this? It just smells like a Hot Topic.

Juicy Couture Viva La Juicy: And this smells like a Spencer’s [Gifts].

Ocean Pacific (For Women): Whoa. This smells like celery.

L’Occitane Thé Vert: Oh, I like that one. It smells likes a margarita. (I wear this every day. Guess I smell like a lush.)

Ralph by Ralph Lauren: This reminds me of a mom. Like a babe mom. So like a MILF I guess.

Believe by Britney Spears: Smells like a candle you’d put in a bathroom.

Hope you enjoyed. I sure did. Now, to air out my apartment…